Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to The Verse Online. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
The Darkness Within Me; By Ariel and Devilman
Topic Started: May 26 2011, 08:45 AM (1,024 Views)
Mag
Member Avatar

2/5/09

Ok, first a quick story and then my opinion on this. Don't worry, I'll make it quick.

About a decade ago (a DECADE, holy crap!) I took two writing courses at the local community college. One was "Poetry and Prose" which was tolerable, but mostly poetry, and "Creative Writing", which was taught by a local writer. This teacher had been published, which pretty much made her God to our little class. She had actually been impressed by my writing, and told me I should take my education farther. I could be, she had said, a published author and a good writing instructor. This only goes to show that community college writing instructors are very good at talking a person up, and not so good at teaching you to be the next Alan Dean Foster or William Gibson.

Flash to last year and another rp site. I signed up thinking I was hot stuff (regardless of the fact that I've never been published) and that I would quickly rise to the top like creme. I was very, very wrong. I wrote on four prologues and four ships, and I never wrote a single sentence that comes close to anything in this prologue. Ok, maybe a few sentences. Possibly a dwarfish paragraph.

This prologue changed the way I did things in my own writing. I totally stole the idea of mini-titles, although I wouldn't include them with a submission. They just make me happy. You two write so well together, it makes me want to barf. In a good way. Between this and the stuff we did on the Wan Nao (around the cheese documentary) it made me really sit down and go back over my older stuff. I'm not ashamed to say that I think if I have improved at all it is by blatant style-plagiarism.

There. I said it. I've learned more from writing with you all than I did in class or from books. Plus, it's a damn good story. Well written.

If you (the reader now, not the authors) haven't read it, do so. It reads like an action flick. A good one, not a cheesy one like "Tango and Cash". Go! Read! Now! Well, read what's up and wait for the rest. Don't worry, it's coming.
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Devilman
Member Avatar
Founder
2/6/09

Thanks for the voice of approval, Mag! About ten years ago I was involved in a writer's group getting feedback on a novel I was writing. I was more or less the black sheep of the group, as I was working on a fantasy novel whereas everyone else was working on "hard" science fiction (think Harlan Ellison). The attitude they gave me was "Well, we think Fantasy is a lesser art form, but we'll humour you and read your work." I quickly found my main weakness was the ability to write a short story. I simply can't do it! It takes me 100 words to clear my throat, so this is about the closest to a short story I'll ever get!

Really, this story couldn't have happened without Ariel's masterful command of the scene and her character. I have a confession to make, I was not sure how Ariel would react to something like this. I had only really known her from her character of Selina on the Wan Nao, and while she did a great job with that character, Selina was not hugely action-oriented. I remember her telling me about the character of Dema Sabian who was currently on the shelf, and I proposed the idea of doing a prologue with her.

I am highly ADHD, so I've got to see things explode now and again. Finding Serenity on the whole seemed to be very "character-driven" as opposed to "action-driven", and to be honest I was craving a good firefight. I asked her if she'd be willing to do something completely different, over-the-top and just a tad on the cheesy side. She agreed, and so we started rapid posting back and forth.

The first chapter was taken from a previous PBEM that didn't work out. It was basically an introduction for my character of Jason Hawk (to which Jacob Cain is the spiritual successor). As I said, the PBEM didn't work out but I liked the story and wanted to flesh it out.

I think there were points where I wasn't sure how Ariel would react to being put in a bloodthirsty position. After all, I didn't associate Companions with the ability to kill ten men with a spork. A part of me was waiting for that PM that said, "I'm sorry, but what you're writing is absolutely ridiculous. Count me out!" But much to my happiness I realized that this person could write an absolutely awesome action scene! I think we took turns seeing who could be the most over-the-top!

This prologue reads more like Die Hard than Firefly. I wanted it to be "un-Firefly" and very cinematic. I think we did both. So, I've got to give my thanks to Ariel on this. She totally went beyond expectations!

I'm glad to have Ariel and Dema on my ship, despite his hogging of the women ;-)
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
abbey
Member Avatar
Administrator
Sorry Guys,

Passwords were changed before I remembered this section, but here is the feedback.

-abbey

*************************

2/9/09

From: Ariel

awww *blushes* thanks guys...

my turn

Cain (DM) jumped on the Wan Nao back on FS and instantly shook things up. We already had Mag and Billy (Rain) posting like crazy so it was a pretty cool ship. My girl on there is Aria and she's a little... self absorbed? As soon as she realised Mag was off limits (he was snuggling up to Billy something chronic) she got bored with him and she only wanted to know what she could get from Cain. But Cain gave her nothing. In fact, he took one of her original Jerichos before he left. Bastard.

Point is, the boys here know how to play so when DM asked if I wanted to do a Prologue I jumped at it. I hadn't been involved in any of his narration before that, so it came as a bit of shock when Dema found himself tied to an operating table by about his third post in the piece. Then it took until Jack's ship went down before I realised no one was going to tell me off if Dema got a tad knife happy with his captors. Ahh, fun times :)

I'm glad I get to work with Mag and Cain again, all be it with Dema rather than Aria. The Wan hasn't been the same without them and their late night chats on cheese, hehehe. (I know you guys were doing it because you were bored, but I thought it was hell funny) And Dema needed some big boys to play off. And scarily kick ass mechanics. Not to mention the heavily armed lady in the white sun dress ;) Now we just have to get Ian back and all will be well...

I sound like I'm accepting an oscar, lol. One more thing and I'll shut up.

I love seeing how different people write and this place affords me that view. I hope you all realise I'm filching all sorts of things off of your every post ;)
Posted Image
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Fully Featured & Customizable Free Forums
Learn More · Sign-up for Free
« Previous Topic · In Character Writing Feedback (OOC) · Next Topic »
Add Reply

Top RP Sites
Finding Serenity The Vow
ALL Firefly, Serenity material including characters, Firefly/Serenity photos & graphics belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, and Universal Studios. The 'Verse Online is NOT affiliated with any of the above. We make no profit, nor do we ever intend to.
Created by Vocal. of Zathyus Networks